I have resumed a little bit of work & speech, but limited to what I am asked or 'need' to respond to.
My silence continues, so does my fast - both have been a torment to undergo. Water and fruits have fed my physical body the first week. This made me understand a whole lot of combinations that were wrong in my diet - (chronic migraines, headaches caused by inflammation of my tumor which no amount of painkillers or muscle relaxants/sedatives can fix it, irregular heart beats during any strenuous activity, change in pressure (air travel, conversations, and acidity) leading up to a myoclonic seizure.
Amidst the purging I feel my spirit is undergoing, the hopelessness, helplessness, loneliness and need to give up every day, the night offers me solace, in realization that I have managed to understand one part of the physical pain my body has been experiencing - migraines.
This is only the beginning, as chronic gum inflammations, extreme lower body and leg pains that make me want to scream at night, neck and shoulder troubles, endless grief has taken over me. Dentist and neuro visits to follow up.
I am where I need to be. An experience that isn't the first time, but each time it happened it hits me harder than before. This time it's all 200 of the darkness making me stay down. I hope this will be my last of it.
Western schools call this The Dark Night of The Soul. It is a journey that has to be alone. The individual finds themselves to be in such a situation where no consolations will exist.